Lovesick.

“ I was asleep but my heart was awake. A voice! My beloved was knocking..." Song of Songs 5:2

I can't stop thinking about Jesus today.

He pulls on the strings of my heart, when I least expect it, yet when I need Him most. He awakens love in me.

As Christians, we swim in a murky pond of rhetoric. It is an onslaught. My question: Has the truth translated to a heart level? Are we living; TRANSFORMED? Are we actually being changed and lit up with the light of His Words? Beyond all the noise, there is a nudging and a tugging for something real. Our hearts LONG for the eternal, infinite ocean of His very love. We are more than flesh and blood and the decrepit sin of this world. We were made for so much more. Made to love.

"All I want, is to be near you, with You, where You are. Daughters of Jerusalem, tell me if You find Him, for I am lovesick..." -David Brymer, lyrics

I don't know about you, brothers and sisters, but I've lived on a steady diet of rhetoric for a number of years. What I really want most, is for the scab of complacency that threatens to cap my heart into dullness (in the stream of daily life) to be ripped off in one fell swoop. This, by the tenderizing of the very Spirit who draws me! That I would be wounded and struck; over and over again, by the very Beauty of Christ! What He did. How He died. How He rose to Life. Bridegroom, King and Judge. The Righteous One. Beyond that, I want to find that I simply RETURN, to my First Love, always. Because He is worthy. He is the Love which truly satisfies. He is ever living to intercede, ever reaching out in kindness and intimacy beyond our comprehension, ever living to draw us. He reaches out, but will we reach back?

Tonight, I strolled out onto the nearby golf course and sat under the stars. I sat in silence, taking in the vast canopy. But it was the Holy Spirit who initiated the conversation. I felt the veil between heaven and earth (the same veil between my heart and His) had become thin. I could almost hear the footsteps of Jesus sandals...pat, pat, pat. Coming to sit down next to me. We sat together under the stars. I felt His love winning me over again. I guess to me, those actions equate with the definition of a Bridegroom. One who is willing to fight for my heart, beyond the challenges and the distance. Persistence in love. The weight of His love seemed to dominate any doubts or distractions that might have arisen. It was the kind of weighty silence that is pregnant with peace and familiarity. The kind where the air is thick with honey and glory. Slowly, a tear fell. I heard my heart whisper, "I miss You. Come back soon, Jesus."

"Pain shatters our phony attachments and faulty dependencies, shows us the depth of our need and invites us to discover His Beauty and be changed." 

-Shelley Hundley, IHOP-KC

He says, "In that day, you will no longer call me Master, but instead, ISHI (husband.)" -Hosea 2:16

Yahweh become a man.

I just read this book of a little four year old boy, named Colton Burpo, who died, went to Heaven and then returned to tell of it. He was deeply struck (even at age 4) at the Beauty of Jesus. He described Jesus with "markers." (His little four year old way of describing the scars he saw.) He told his daddy, "Jesus had the most beautiful eyes. Dad, they were sooo pretty." 

Vicki Smith, a writer, wrote of Colton's story. How an impression of another 4 year old's painting (who had seen Jesus and painted Him) resonated with Colton. (I included Akiane's painting here.) 

Colton Burpo

I became acquainted with the work of Akiane through the book, Heaven Is For Real by Todd Burpo. 4-year-old old Colton visited heaven and when his parents realized that he truly had been given a special gift - time with Jesus – they showed Colton dozens of paintings by masters and illustrators – there was always something wrong…

Akiane Kramarik

Todd learned that there was a girl – that started seeing visions of heaven at age 4 – her name Akiane Kramarik. when Todd showed his son Colton – a realistic painting that Akiane had done at age 8 – this is how it played out…

“what is wrong with this one?”
He turned to the screen and for a long moment said nothing.
“Colton?”
But he just stood there, studying. I couldn’t read the expression.
“What’s wrong with this one, Colton?” I said again.
Utter silence.
I nudged him in the arm. “Colton?”
My seven-year-old turned to look at me and said, “Dad, that one’s right.”

Akiane wrote a poem as she painted Jesus' face. This line seems to articulate what I am trying to say:

"That night the rain, was running after me. Each drop showed God's face. His face was everywhere... I wrung out the love to make the red." 

-Akiane, Age 8

My prayer: Jesus, it is really ALL ABOUT YOU. We need You. You love us. This is paramount. This is EVERYTHING. It is not about our inadequacy, or our assessment of ourselves or others. That is called, pride. It's about the Beauty of Jesus and the vantage point from His Love. Seeking You; First. Help us, Lord. Thank You, Jesus. Amen."  

-Melissa Haskin